We think our thoughts are not Powerful, but they are
It is hard for me to think that in my own life I have come as far as I have emotionally. Right now I should be a basket case, but the thing about this very Moment is that while on the surface of things I look like I am freaking out, the truths which lie beneath are very different, are very markedly the truth of me.
A Vivid Imagination
Not a lot of people do not know that I am a Pisces.We are quite the imaginative bunch, we Fish are. I have studied the Sign of the Fish for many years, and until I woke up a little bit ago, it was not my thought that there is something with a giant energy right now and in my life and in my face that from the perspective of my own imagination - the very same imagination which has helped me so many other times and which is aiding me at this time, too - I should, given the circumstances from my own personal history, be a basket case. Yet, I am not. In fact, I am so not what I thought and what I imagined I would be regarding the most important decision in my life that is my life...and I find that I am so not the giant mess that I believed that I would be. In fact, I am pretty solid in the choice that I made, and it took me the power of my imagination to bring to me the thing that I know I will need the most through this time.
It took my seeing with my mind's eyes, not the thing that scared me, but the thing that scared me as not being such a big fat scary thing at all. There is a certain set of people who know my whole story, who are well aware of the monster in the closet of my mind that has followed me for the majority of my adult life, and it was yesterday that I found myself not at a crossroads, because the road being traveled at this time is the divergent one from my norm, the one that is the Path of Least Resistance. Yet, when I think about it in terms of the Bigger Picture, this is really not a different Path but instead is a different way of seeing things while walking this Path.
I am big on the use of the imagination in my practice. I am very good at creating different scenarios and different options and different possibilities inherent and given in any situation. I am very good at seeing things from a totally different and other perspective. That is, until it comes to my own life. When it comes to our own lives we are very biased in what we want to see, in what we want in our lives, and we imagine those things coming to life without the idea that Spirit always has a better Plan for us, no matter what and no matter how scary the reality of a thing truly is. The reality of things always, because of the reality of the concrete and tangible nature of actual things, makes us pause and question Spirit as to how it is that what we are asking at the moment is anywhere near where we need, want and desire to be, and most of the time our human minds will not allow us to see what is really there. We want to imagine it being bigger than it really is, and based on our own experiences, based on the things that broke us, that crushed our Spirit and made us weary from the fight, we follow what was rather than calling in to Being the thing that already "Is" in our imagination.
Yesterday, my imagination did not at one time get the best of me. I was very grounded in the idea of what it is that I feared the most, and when I looked at the situation for what it really is, I saw that this is a Divinely Timed and Planned Thought, which is ultimately leading to an event which also, now that I have thought about it, no matter who thinks what, is also a very Divinely Timed and Planned thing and a very Sacred piece of the puzzle that I am building with other people close to me to bring about a greater energy of healing to the entirety of my world. While I am very good at showing people where there is an imbalance in the energies which permeate their own lives, I am not good at all at clearly seeing the imbalances in my own life that keep me from the things that in my own imagination, have already been set into motion, are already in Manifest.
It would be wrong of me to have asked for this one thing and to not forwardly move on the energies which make me dizzy, give me nausea, hurt my head, make me cry...and believe it or not, none of these things is a bad thing. These "symptoms" are merely manifestations of my own inner working, my own self-care and my own evolution.
Basically...
After much thought I find that I am facing my own monsters, the ones which I did not create on my own, but because of the fear that loomed, that in some ways still looms large for me, still is in my face, because the "doing" part of this energy is Becoming what it is meant to become, both to and for me, are very much the ones that have made my life a constant and self-imposed madhouse of emotional torture. The way that I will get through this is through the use of the thing that has brought me this far in every other area of my Life, and it is through imaginative thinking, through the visualizing of scenarios that will measure and look much like the ones that I present my clients with, and basically, it will be through that magnificent imagination of mine that, like many of those who have learned from me, I will be able to clearly see that it is about time that this particular circle in my Life be dragged, even if it is kicking and screaming, to a very needed, very welcomed close.
I find that there is truth to the phrase "Physician, Heal Thy Self," and even as I am not a physician, even as there is not a coach in any area that we coaches coach in who would dare call ourselves a doctor, we are, by any and all means and by any stretch of the thought and the imagination, healers. Thing is, there are a lot of us who have yet to do any of the work that we do with and for others for and with our very selves.
If ever there were a challenge which, even as I am a little bit terrified on this part of the Path, will not just test me, not just tax me, but will make me grow and evolve to what I know I am meant as at this time (and there are a whole lot of things that I am meant as at this moment and I am lagging dearly on them) it is this very monster of my own creation through my imagination which must be tamed, must be brought out of the inner recesses, and seen for the smallness that it is.
The very things that break us and hurt us and seem to kill a little piece of us are also the very things which we need the most to do. There are things that are ahead of me that are going to test my resolve, going to make me cry and going to feel like they are just dragging along.
However, there are also things ahead of me that will open the doors to the freedom and the permanence of releasing the monsters who have lived next to the skeletons and funny thing is...they are one and the same. But I am not the same. I am not the same person I was just a year ago. The things that did not make sense to anyone about me at this time last year are the same things that do not make sense about me and to me now but even more than they did back then. These monsters which I have fed all this time are just getting fatter, are just getting to be a bigger weight to carry, and make no mistake - I feel the very burden of their weightiness all the time.
Through the use of my own vivid and beautiful imagination, I will find myself victorious, find myself no longer fearing the monsters which I did not birth alone but are very much mine to no longer feed.
We must ask ourselves, as finally, I chose to, if what we are keeping in our lives which no longer serves us is being kept out of usefulness or out of fear. I had to ask myself why it is that I am so scared of something that is about as able to do as much damage as is the frailest of the frail among us. I really had to go within my own Soul, look the demon and the monster in the eye, wade through the murkiness that is the deepest darkness of the darkest corner of the Soul, and not ask if I am ready to do this, but more, how I could not see that I have been ready for many years now, and that it was the monsters which were there all along telling that I am not strong enough to take them on.
I Promise that I Am Stronger than even I Know I Am...and I am about to prove it...
As Always
I Love You All !
ROX
Reverend Roxanne Cottell is the Kumu Hula and Creator of the Spiritual Hula Program for Women and the Co-Founder of Na Hula O Ka Wahine 'Ui. She is a blogger, book author, choreographer and Spiritual Adviser. If you would like information about "ROCK your NUPTIALS" Weddings or simply just to contact Roxanne for information about the Spiritual Hula Program for Women or information regarding private hula or Spiritual Guidance sessions with her feel free to send her an email.
(c) 2012 Roxanne K. Cottell. All Rights Reserved
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