The Mana'o Blog: You have to be who you want in your life..yeesh!

Since we mirror each other, it is safe to say that in order to see it in your life you have to be it in your life...duh...

If you want good people in your life, then you have to be a good person, inside and outside. There are no ands, ifs or buts about it - that which you want to have in your life, namely the people there, always show up in our lives when we have the thought in our heads that we want them there. When they get there, in our lives, this is when the fun begins because the thing that we thought we wanted to do with those people turns out to be something that we totally did not expect.

The things that we totally do not expect are to see in them the changes that we need to go through. In my case, and I am very willing to admit it, I am vain. In fact, just saying that I am vain is so an understatement that if it is at all any kind of indication that when I say that I like looking at myself in the mirror, when I tell you that when it matters I am constantly checking my clothes, my shoes, my self for things that would constitute as my being somehow less than all I want to believe that I am. And all that I believe that I am at this point is not a bad thing at all, but with my vanity level being what it has always been, sometimes, it is an issue. It is an issue because I know that what a woman looks like is very much a part of her very own personal power, is part of her wiggle and her walk, just like her giggle and her talk, and there is no man alive on this planet who has met me personally who does not recognize just how dearly I know this one thing. I know that what a person is seen as at first is the very thing which gives flavor and strength to any kind of interaction between people.

So, it often makes me wonder, from time to time, why it is that people are not seeing in others the things that they need to change about themselves. One such thing is our ability to see who we are by not seeing it in someone else, and more, the person who we used to be in other people comes out shining and screaming like so many crazed loonies who have somehow wandered off the Path (gotta love Pink Floyd, right?). I wonder why it is that we can see what is in other people so well, and why, too, it is that when we see what is right there, why do we also not see that there is a lot of ourselves in those people, and the more that we look the more that we will be shown the areas of our lives that need improvement.

Haha...in my case? Yup...that vanity thing...

...but hey...at least I am honest about it...

Yeah yeah...I know..I know...Vanity...it is a sin, but there is not a lot that is not sinful, and in that one thing that I know is my greatest downfall I also have seen the Truth of me, and the Truth of me tells me that there are a lot of things that I have been told in the past about me that I know just from looking at others is not the truth. More than that, because I am in their lives at all, it should tell them, too, that what was is not the Truth of them either, but it is just not something that they can see as something that they would think is somehow an issue for them, and it is like this because for a long, long time, it was the only truth they knew as their own.

The only Truth that a whole lot of people knew about me, and more, that many still only know about me, is what I look like. They are the people who have met my Leo Rising but who have not gotten to the Pisces Sun and neither the Taurus Moon in me, and it is because I won't allow it. I will not allow people to get in, to get past the Lion at the gate, and it is because even as we mirror a whole lot to one another, it is the underlying motive that is not the same, at least not that we know of, and it is the underlying traumas that are still alive and well within us all that breathe beneath the facade of me and my Lioness and her roaring.

Yet even this is not the only thing that we mirror in each other or to each other. In other people we see just how really very screwed up we really are, if it applies, and more than that, we also see where it is that we can improve. Lots of clients have told me that they just find other people so they don't have to look at their own ugliness, but that doesn't help or solve anything. In fact that does nothing at all for us or for them. When we are more willing to only see the ugliness and not also the beauty in a thing, we are most highly present at that time to see just what we want to, and what we want to see there is not going to be seen because the only thing that we will choose to see is what is hurting us.

In my world, what is hurting is the idea that I see so much around me that it is impossible to believe that to an extent, I am the ugliness that I see in others, and by this I mean that I am able to become that ugliness, that I am able, too, to wear it as well as I have in the past. In the past I was the most insecure person I knew, and it was all because while I knew what I looked like, I also knew that there was more to me than only that, and I pursued what else I knew was there. It took me a while to figure out that I was not a pompous ass and that I didn't have to be an intellectual snob, even though that is what I turned into. Someone referred to me as being the very most perfect weapon known to mankind...or rather "male-kind" and it is not just because of the outside, but because at the time, I very much was that very, very intellectually brilliant albeit very, very snobby about it, snob. It took my losing what I thought was real to learn that what I had in material was not me, but it was my stuff. I was told that my stuff represented who I was, but I knew the truth.

I knew the Truth, and so, too, should you

If anyone is taking heed to this, at all, then please, take these words to your heart and know that I am only telling you my own truth.

You forget every time that you are meant to aspire to the greatness that you really are, and this means that the greatness who you really are is not measured in how much stuff you have, in how many people you know, in whatever it is that thrills you that is on the outside of you. The way that you aspire to be all the great that you can be is to seek out those things in the people who you surround yourself with and see in them the things that you are. If you know me and you have seen me and you have known that I am every bit as real as I am telling you that I am and have been for a long while now, I want you to know that you, too, are as real as it gets, but I want you to think about if the truth of you is the truth that you like to see. I want you to know that things that repeat themselves do so because you have not yet learned how to deal with them and that is why these people who you surround yourself with and who you find in your presence are there - to remind you of who you are, and sometimes, they show up to remind you who you WERE.

And if who you were is acceptable, then that is on you...it simply means that you cannot handle more than what you have....

Be the best mirror to others that you can be...

The bottom line here is easy - be the best person who you can be, that way those in your life who you care about will always have the best mirror to see themselves with. This is not that hard unless you somehow like being in the middle of things that you are not responsible for having created. If you see yourself in others and what you see there is not okay with you, and those people are there and you keep seeing you in them, you need to ask yourself if you can do anything to not be that way anymore.

Whether it is a a depravity, or perhaps you are like me, secretly...okay, NOT so secretly incredibly vain and not scared to let people know it...whatever it is that you know you need to work on, no matter what, that is what you need to work on...what's the problem?

What are you so scared of...being the best you that you can possibly be?

Why?

Oh! Yes...I know..because it takes work, and working on ourselves sucks. Working on ourselves sucks because it means that we were not finished, and that no, we are not perfect either. Working on us means that somehow, we are not complete, and we are not healed, and most of all, we are not whole. If we are not whole, we cannot possibly be the best mirror that other people have to see themselves with. If we are willing to not see what is there, then we are willing also to make up our own reasons as to why it is not we who have to change, but is someone else. If we can see that other people need to change, and since it is that we are mirrors, what does that tell you the truth of you really is?

When I say that we are mirrors, I mean that and mirrors do not lie - they are mirrors. Mirrors are the things that make us know who we are from our own perspective, but when it is that there is a mirror that tells us something about us, and it is something that we do not like and do not agree with, the beauty is that we do not always have to be the reflection looking back at us. We can change it because we have seen what we are in someone else.

If what you have seen in me is something that you want to see in you, I thank you. I thank you because that makes all the nonsense that I have endured over the idea that I actually like what I look like these days as not being such a bad thing at all. If you see in me the thing that makes you run like hell in the other direction and away from me...well...haha...I'll be back...that much I promise...

Running from me....hell, running from anyone...that just means that you already know what you are looking at and that yes, you should be scared as hell because good or bad....

...you are looking at yourself...I Promise...

And good or bad...it is this way for a purpose, a reason, and none of it is bad...but this doesn't mean that while none of it is bad that none of it will be uncomfortable. Seeing the self in others and knowing that we are mirrored in the souls of our peers is scary. But it is scary in a way like no other, because either way...

...it is the truth of us....

I LOVE YOU ALL...
ROX

Reverend Roxanne Cottell is the Kumu Hula and Creator of the Spiritual Hula Program for Women and the Co-Founder of Na Hula O Ka Wahine 'Ui. She is a blogger, book author, choreographer and Spiritual Consultant, an advocate and public speaker against domestic violence and emotional abuse, both of which she is also a survivor. If you would like information about Weddings or simply just to contact Roxanne for information about the Spiritual Hula Program for Women or information regarding private hula or Spiritual Guidance sessions with her or would like to book her for a speaking engagment please feel free to send her an email.
(c) 2013 Roxanne K. Cottell. All Rights Reserved

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