I will admit to being one of those people who used to like to hang it over someone's head when they would do something that would need a measure of forgiveness from me rather than what I gave them, which normally was a good, loud and ugly earful of the transgressions they'd made against me. And always...always always always there was some sort of ...drama...to it all, and for the life of me I cannot, at least not now and while glancing back to those days, figure out why I was not more forgiving toward them. After all, they are only as human as I am, and because of this it made them and makes anyone prone to blatantly foolish acts of ridiculousness as well as well un-thought out pieces of verbiage that would be better suited to the wall of a men's bathroom stall in a public restroom.
Had I known then what I now know well and practice, or at least try to practice, is that the act of forgiving others is a far easier one than is the thought in my head, at least, that there is a prize to be had at the end of the mental and emotional word brawl that I am well known for having found myself in, many times, again and again, and the only person who ended up hurt or angry or whatever, normally, at least in the long run, was me. Yes, while it might have been that I was attacked first, it didn't mean, never meant, will not ever mean, that I have to retaliate the way I used to. In order for people to know what is the reality of forgiving someone else, there first needs to be a transgression, and there is no where that is written that we need to have that sort of drama in our lives. And yes, this I know very well because, truthfully, I am a recovering drama addict, and I make no bones about admitting it, and more, I am not ashamed of having been that way.
I am not ashamed of, at times, having had the option to tell the truth, albeit in the manner I told it, and I am not ashamed of having had the very nerve to do so. I am also not ashamed, at least anymore, for behaving like a pompous idiot at those times, and I will not lie to you and tell you that I did not enjoy being the big mouthed intellectual mixed with a dash of peppery rocker chick because the truth is that I enjoyed it as much as I enjoy drinking too many beers with my best friends when the time calls for it. I will not tell you that I did not enjoy hurting the people who I hurt, because at the time I thought that it was okay to do that because well, "it's the internet."
Yet, here I am, years later, and while I might have enjoyed all the foolishness that comes with victory through the hurting of other people, what I did not enjoy was the reputation that I had gained as "the shark" of all sharks, and while, at the time, I might have enjoyed that very intimidating thought, what I did not enjoy was the idea, eventually, that the way that I won, while even as I was right, was through one-upping someone else, normally a total stranger, and I can only imagine who else. I will not sit here telling anyone that I am proud of having been the bringer of the clue that I felt others needed by me to tell them that they were not all the intellectual beacon they told people they were. I will not tell anyone that I stayed in that arrogance that told me that it was okay to use my big giant brain to belittle others. I will not tell people that these days, while I enjoyed those things, that I did not know the truth, because the truth is that even then, while I enjoyed it and while on the top of things I told people that it was okay because this is the internet, the reality is that as time wore on, I knew I was wrong. That was the hardest part - not knowing that I was wrong, but knowing that I used my gifts to hurt other people so that I would feel like I had somehow won something.
The only thing I won was the scorn of other people. There are a few people on the planet who know me by my writing, and there are more who, through my writing, know me personally and are some of the closest friends I have, and these are the people who, back then, will tell you that yes, there were times that I said so many awful things, things that would make the Devil cry with shame, there were more times that I felt dirty and horrid because then, like now, I knew how powerful words were. I knew then what I have always known, that words have the power to affect people in both good and bad ways, and that when they are my words, and when I am the one who is spouting them, that I do not like being the one who brings shame to people, but rather and only, hope.
The Beauty of Forgiving Other People
There are people who are reading this who know that these days, I am very inclined to forgive other people for the things they say that hurt, for the actions they take which seem, at the time, to take something away from me, but in reality and instead, that hurt and that energy gives me the option to deal with things from a new place - a place called "Forgiveness."
It is not a foreign place, at least not for me, but for many people it is a place never ventured, because if they go there, that means that somehow, they were wrong. The only time that we are wrong when we know that we need to forgive or need to be forgiven is to not realize that this is what needs doing. When we choose to hurt others intentionally we set ourselves up to also hurt. There is no time that is ever a good time to hurt people, but unlike hurting people, always is the best time to forgive.
When we can find it within ourselves to get past our arrogance, to get past and through to the part of us that cries when we hurt and more when we hurt other people, and we can see to it that we know that we are not always right, and when we can bother ourselves with the idea that we are human and that we will make human being type mistakes, even the ones we make knowingly, this is a very Divinely Energetic moment for us. It is in these moments where we can come to terms with ourselves, and we can see, finally, the reality and more than that, the beauty of who we are. It comes at a time when we least expect, the ability to truly forgive others. It is not something that does not take practice, and eventually, one day, you become a pro at it. I know this. I did. I know that one day I woke up and my Soul was just there for me to see and to recognize and to see it in the beauty that was the light of forgiveness was the most illuminating thing in the world.
One day, I woke up, in many more ways than only one, and realized that the most loving thing that I could do for me was also the most beautiful thing that I could do for others as well. I realized that if I expected to be any kind of right-minded individual at all, that I needed to learn to "get over it" and that I needed to practice the ancient Hawai'ian art of ho'oponopono, "to make right," to forgive. I needed to become the entirety of the Whole in terms of "All Things Roxanne," and once I got hold of the emotions that I had held on to for so, so long and saw that they were detrimental to everything and everyone - namely me - I learned to let things go. I had to. I had to do it because no one else was going to do it for me, and given my life'a Path as a Healer and Spiritualist, I had to learn to hurt, but only for a moment, because it is in that moment when we are more inclined to let things go once it is that we can be released, not from anything other than our own grip on things that we feel are ours to hang tight on to.
We can only do so much with our time in this lifetime, and there are only so many chances that we will get at forgiveness, and only so many times where we will see the lesson as just that - a lesson, and not as some other person's "thing" in life to make us hurt. It is not someone else who makes us hurt. Only we can make us hurt. Only we can hang on to things that other people did to us that makes us nutty and angry, and only we can think what we will of someone else's baggage and only we can ever know what it is like to hurt like we do, and only we can know, too, what it will take to get over it all.
And all of it, the part that matters the most, no matter what, is called Forgiveness...To forgive others is to give our own selves freedom that not a lot else can!
I Love You All!
ROX
To learn more about the area's ONLY Healing with Hula program, "Na Hula O Ka Wahine'ui," please visit The Sisterhood of the Soul's website at www.mapu70.wix.com/sisterhoodofthesoul.
The original Southern Plantation Preacher Lady, Rev. Vel-Danielle Gambrell and her Kindred Souls of the South's Facebook page can be visited and "liked" by going to www.facebook.com/KindredSoulsOfTheSouth
For information or to set an appointment with either Rev. Roxanne Cottell or Rev. Vel-Danielle Gambrell please send an email to either of them here in facebook by going to:
Rev. Vel-Danielle Gambrell : facebook.com/spiritfish
Rev. Roxanne K. Cottell : facebook.com/reverendroxie
To contact Rev. Roxanne Cottell (Reverend Roxie) please send an email to reverendroxie22@gmail.com
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