Been there, done that...

It isn't that you are doing anything wrong, but that you are doing things the same way you always have...

Yes. Yes, indeed...change, evolution, things that are different....all scary. We do not like the idea that life itself is a process of evolution much more than it will ever be a process of elimination. We think in terms of the here and now, and that is all fine and good, but the fact remains that while we might choose to buck change and stay with our heels well dug into the ground, life changes. Life evolves and no matter what it does for or to or with us, change is inevitable. Can you imagine what it might be like if babies never grew, and if those who were meant to go Home into the next level of Being never left this physical life, just how packed this place would be? Can you even begin to ponder the idea of what would happen to every single life form on this planet if everything that showed up in this lifetime never ceased to be?

It would be a mess, and toilets would be overflowing with the remnants of the madness of days and nights of parties gone by. The streets would be filled with cars being driven by people learning to drive alongside all those other people who are very well versed anymore in cursing the very existence of same said new drivers. Our neighborhoods would be filled with the ruffians who all of us try dearly to ensure remain in their own environments.

And do not get me started on our pets....not enough litter boxes, guys....think about it...

...change is not what I am talking about only today...read on...

It is not change that I am writing about, or the idea that we have to change, no matter what, but more, once it is that we know the changes are taking place, we are left with the thing in front of us, and usually the thing in front of us is the thing that we wanted. The pain in the okole of it is that we get to that point, and while that thing that we wanted is ultra cool and awesome, we find that even though it is everything we thought it would be, it simply no longer applies and no way does it any longer belong in the list of the things that we want to see in our lives.

And the fun part of this is not that we hear our own voice saying, or rather, asking "AGAIN? REALLY?"

Yes. Really.

We are the ones who, without our consciously knowing it, call into being the repetition which prompts the questioning of Spirit to gain clarity on something that we thought we knew everything about. It can drive a person nutty if they stop and think about all the things that we are doing and going through, over and over again, until one day we answer that "WHAT? REALLY?" ourselves by FINALLY accepting that we now know that not only is it impossible to try to change something the same way that did not work in the past, but more, we are putting more and more energy into it, thinking that we are not trying hard enough, when in fact we are trying way too hard for that one thing to not work again.

We silly human types ridiculously choose the way that our lives end up being. We do not realize that truly, just as my pal Melody who writes the Deliberate Receiving Blog , it is not only the thoughts that we think but more the vibration of our own energies behind it which brings into our awareness EVERYTHING, yes, even the things we would rather not have there. And we do what we did, over and over again, with the thought at the front of our mind being that this time will be different, all the while that at the same time, our gut instinct is screaming at us "that's not iiiii-iiiit!"

Thought + Energy+ Intention = Results

How much energy are you investing into the thoughts that are becoming your reality?  How much time and effort are you putting into the same damned thing and how much would you like to bet that you are going to also go through the same frustrations all over again because the result at the end is going to be the same as it was when you had the thought that you were not going to go through this crap again? You can...we can tell ourselves all we want that it all won't happen again, and in the pit of our Soul we know, too, that since we are doing the same thing again, the same outcome is what we can expect.

We put SO much energy into things, things that we should just forget about, and things that frustrate us and things that make us go nutty and instead of looking at all the things from the vantage point of observer, we take it all personally and find out through trial and error that the things that we did over and over again have, again and again, brought us right back to square one. This is the point at which we begin to hear our own voice asking why it is that we have to keep going through these things. The reason that we "have to" keep going through these things is simple - we keep doing the same things about the same things over and over again, expecting that our energies and our efforts will produce a different result.

We know better than that. We know truly that the things that we do that are similar to the things that we did for this thing that is in front of us will probably produce the things that we do not want, again even !!

It begs the question of how much more of your time, your energy and your emotions are you going to bother with putting toward a thing that, from the historical point of view, that is, never turns out the way that we hope it will? How many more times are you planning on throwing at a thing that makes you crazy, angry, hurt, cry, get emotional over, fight with your loved ones, think like people are against you...when all you really need to do is think in an overall manner about the one thing that you know needs doing, and the one thing that you alone can change? How much more of your precious energy and positivity are you planning on burning through just so that you can end up right back at square one where you started out at so that you can look at the situation, see where it is that you keep making this happen (at the very first thought of how to fix it? Duh!) and choose to do it all over again, or, to do it different?

How many more times are you going to sit there, angry at the world, and not because of anything more than that you went through what you went through, again, and again, you tried to fix it by using a method that was not the correct method, and again, you sit there, wondering why it is that you feel like the butt-end of the bad joke that Spirit is playing on you?

You really don't need to lose your mind or your cool.
Really, all you need to do is accept that the way you are going about the things that drive you crazy is the wrong fit for the thing at hand.

It's like that thing about a fish climbing a tree...not gonna happen...

All in what you are willing to accept, guys....

As always...I Love You All !!

Aloha
ROX

Reverend Roxanne Cottell is the Kumu Hula and Creator of the Spiritual Hula Program for Women and the Co-Founder of Na Hula O Ka Wahine 'Ui. She is a blogger, book author, choreographer and Spiritual Consultant, an advocate and public speaker against domestic violence and emotional abuse, both of which she is also a survivor. If you would like information about Weddings or simply just to contact Roxanne for information about the Spiritual Hula Program for Women or information regarding private hula or Spiritual Guidance sessions with her or would like to book her for a speaking engagment please  feel free to send her an email.
(c) 2013 Roxanne K. Cottell. All Rights Reserved

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Our Shared Native Kuleana

A Message to my Global Island Ohana (and the rest of you, too!)

There is a time when we must realize that truly, enough is absolutely enough. It has come, the time, for us - all of us, but namely those who share ancestry with me, to stop only looking at what is different between us and to embrace that which is the same. While this message is meant for those with whom I share a collective ancestry with, it is also for the rest of the world of peoples, and not only the indigenous type....read on...

A wise man once said, "I do NOT judge a Hawaiian by his blood quantum, nor the location of their home. Hawaiians are Hawaiians are Hawaiians whether you have 1% or 100%. I just care about how much a Hawaiian cares for Hawaii. You may live in freakin Russia...but you are still Hawaiian by blood. However, if you deny being a Hawaiian, or if you look down upon your own people...well then...you are who you are...Keep reading up on the issues. Education is the power. Enlighten others, even haole about us. We need more allies and not enemies. Choose to educate rather than intimidate. Remember that the person with the loudest voice is not necessarily the "winner." Love Hawaii, no matter where you may be. K? 'Nuff said." (Clifford Nae'ole)

I could not have said that much any better myself, and it is a sad, sad testament to our position in life regarding who we are, not just in the world, but more importantly, with one another.

The Life of The Land...

It is our very rallying cry to the masses, to remind them just how Sacred the Land of Aloha truly is, and even while many of us leave the Mother Land for other shores, the idea that we are different or even damaged because of where we were born is the thing that is separating us, and this is the collective self-imposed ideal of who we truly are in the world that too many of us have carried on through our lives and have chosen to impart onto the generations which follow our own. It is very easy for anyone to quote that the life of the land is preserved in righteousness, in the pureness of thought, in the very Aloha that we are all and each so very lucky not only to be a part of, but more than that, that we are tasked with the Kuleana to pass on that Aloha to our children. We are not only the messengers, but are the very message itself, of Aloha, of all the things which embody us as a people who were placed into this lifetime and on this planet to preserve our roots through measures of sharing that which is Aloha, and Aloha, I find, is free...just like we should be.

Free of the thought that we are different, and free of the belief that we should ever believe that somehow, we are not the same because of whatever it was that someone else told you was the truth. While that truth you were told might be someone else's, it never had to be and never has to be yours. It will never be mine, and that is a promise.

Very dearly, we must think about and ask ourselves the question that the song, "Hawai'i '78" cries out " "AUWE!" to us, and not only because of the railroad tracks and highways which cut through our Sacred ground, but because in all of the thinking throughout the history of ourselves, we have managed to find ourselves on two different sides of the ocean, fighting with one another, and not because of how much we all - every single one of us - Loves that little island chain which is in the middle of the sea, but because we simply do not understand each other.

My thinking is that it is time that we learned to know one another, because the truth is that we all already know each other. We know that we are strong in the shared effort toward solidarity, toward Lokahi, and we know that our collective heart is broken just as is that of our Native American Nations Brethren and Sisterhood, and all for some of the shared same reasons. It is in the failure to realize that it is not the government who has made us hateful, but our misunderstanding of that anger that has been left to fester for many generations. We must turn our hearts and our minds away from those things which anger us about ourselves, and know that our anger is expected, but it is misplaced. We should be more inclined to turn that anger and that rage, that historically there collective tear stains which mar the very face of Aloha, from those things which continue to divide us into the blended heartache that will save us, if not from the assumptions that others have of us, but more, the thoughts that somehow, we should be against one another, with one set of us in the Mother Land, and the rest of us here on the Mainland.

We should be, but we are not. 

While I know that the collective of parents who have brought into this lifetime the new generation which seeks solidarity, there still is the rest of us, the rest of us who learned from the generations which preceded our own how to choose to Love rather than to hate or to be angry with our very selves, because when we are able to hate others for no reason at all, we are also more inclined to only see what is collectively "other than good" about us all as a whole, and this self-hatred is where who we are and what we do are not aligning correctly with who we need to remember being. We have been blessed with the gift of being the purveyors of the Aloha Spirit, and instead of embracing the part of us which is all Love, we chose, instead, to take up the sword of historic anger and resentment and make it our own. Do you not all see that this is not what we were meant to do with this birthright? Are we all so very jaded by our shared and ancient past and what we each think or have thought about ourselves that we cannot begin anew with the idea that we can let go of the past and embrace the future which together, we cannot miss the mark.

Together we cannot miss the mark of showing to those among us that this is who we are, and that this is what we are all about, and that no, we do not hate you because you were born elsewhere instead of in the islands. Together we can keep the good energy that is meant to be our own so as to be out in the world, showing  the Light of Aloha and shedding the hatreds of the past. There is no more need for hatred and there never was, no more need for the massive and collectively felt inferiority complex that we ourselves have brought to our own lives. Where we are meant to be strong and together in thought is where we come to a place within us that we cannot see past those things which have blinded us all the way back to the cave, and if you have not seen so lately, we were outta the cave a long, long time ago.

Out of the Cave and into the Light that is our Shared Kuleana of Aloha

This part is particular to all tribes, no matter the origin, and most notably the tribe called "humankind." We need dearly to stop seeing that which is not the same about each other, because in that lack of sameness we are negating the other parts, the parts that tell us we have more in common than we don't. We have been trained so well in the idea that we have to be the best, have to be better than anyone else, even and especially including those to whom we refer as being "our own," that we cannot see past the judgments that have been passed down through the generations that bespeak only that we are to perpetuate the things that break the collective heart of us, and crush the collective Spirit within the Tribe called Aloha.

The Tribe called "Aloha."

This is simple - Love each other.

Love each other because we are the same, prone to all the same heartaches and triumphs, and all that which makes us crazy, all that which makes us cry, seethe, laugh boisterously or cry quietly. Love each other because in truth we are each other, and love each other because truly, no matter how much stuff we each have, all we really and truly have is one another, and the more that we close our eyes to this one truth, the more "hamajangs" life becomes for us, all of us, as no one is immune to that which is not Love as much as we are meant to embrace what IS Love.

There is no more reason that we have to do anything that will hurt the very collective Soul of us. We were never required to see our differences, never needed to know the very distance across thousands of miles of ocean from "91768" to "96813," ever, and the longer we choose to only move ahead with the hatreds of the past and carry those same hatreds into the future, and the more that we impart these lessons to our collective Na Mamo - our own cherished ones...the keiki who we brought into the world...the longer and more these things which mar the very face of Aloha that is ours, the longer we stay saddened by the death of the Aloha within, and it is the Aloha within that is meant to be shared, not the guy down at the grocery store on Ventura Boulevard whose boss told him that "today is Aloha Friday! Today we wear our flowered shirts and today we wear our Bermuda shorts and today, yes, today, we shall opt to wear long black dress socks with our sandals...yes, that day is today!" for whom the Kuleana is most dearly important.

We need to live by the words we speak, and we need to start the delivery of that combined energy of Aloha now. We cannot do this on "Hawaiian time" anymore, and no one but us is meant to fix the energy, to live the Kuleana that tells us all and each that we are the very embodiment of the Soul of Aloha, that ours is the Kuleana which tells the keiki in our lives that they, too, must carry this very torch that we are so very and dearly wanting for the flame to never be extinguished.

It is up to us, folks, to see to it that we take care of one another, that we Malama the 'Aina that is ourselves, that is one another, that is truly the very heartbeat that is that of the People of Hawai'i...

As Hawai'ians, it is our duty to portray the beauty that is the Soul of Aloha. As Human beings, it is our duty to the very global Tribe, the Ohana that we call "ours" in the global sense, that we care for one another, always, because without each other, we do not exist.

Without Aloha, we are not ourselves.
Without Aloha, the Hawaiian race has no claim to fame.
Without Aloha, the Human Race ceases to Be.

Any Questions?

I thought not....

I Love You All !!
ROX

Reverend Roxanne Cottell is the Kumu Hula and Creator of the Spiritual Hula Program for Women and the Co-Founder of Na Hula O Ka Wahine 'Ui. She is a blogger, book author, choreographer and Spiritual Consultant, an advocate and public speaker against domestic violence and emotional abuse, both of which she is also a survivor. If you would like information about Weddings or simply just to contact Roxanne for information about the Spiritual Hula Program for Women or information regarding private hula or Spiritual Guidance sessions with her or would like to book her for a speaking engagment please  feel free to send her an email.
(c) 2013 Roxanne K. Cottell. All Rights Reserved

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Circumstances

Our Circumstances might be similar, but...

We humans have a bad habit of thinking that since our own personal circumstances are a lot like someone else's, that how we handle our own stuff is how everyone else will be able to as well. I am a sinner in this church, and these days I try dearly to remember that while what I have gone through might be a story that someone else could tell and said story would also be their's, how we each handle our own lives is up to us and what will serve us rather than make things harder for us. 

Don't assume that you know how to handle someone else's circumstances, not even if you have "been there."

While we might "get it" in terms of being able to relate to someone else due to the similarities in circumstances, it is arrogant that any one of us would believe that since something worked for someone else that the same measure of what worked for them will also work for anyone else. While we humans have mirrors to our own selves all over the planet, the fact remains that we are each different from one another and that no two ways that any one similar circumstance will be alike because if we bother to remember so, it is because no two people are alike.

People are different. While we each may have things in similarity to others, we are each markedly different. We are each made up of many, many different things - yes, DNA and genes and blood and skin and bones and tissue - but also we are each made up of our personality, our likes and dislikes, the things that scare us, that make us angry, and of course, the things that make us happy and the things that warm our inner selves. Couple all of these things that we already have in common with all of the experiences that we each have had to this point and we find that there are a whole lot of things that bind to one another, but just as well there are a whole lot of things that make us each very unique and this is where the thinking that "To each his own." 

"To each, his own..."

If you want people to think for you, then go ahead and try to think for them, but I promise you that you will be met with a degree of displeasure, and simply and only because we do not all handle our stuff the exact same way anyone else will. While I cannot be too sure of it, it is said that Einstein stated that “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” 

While I cannot prove that Einstein is who coined this thought, I can say that it is the truth. Think about it for a minute and you will come to the same conclusion that while one thing worked for you, it may fail horribly for another. This is part of why some children do not do as well in school, or we think, as do others, and why it is that hiring a group of people to come up with marketing ideas does not need someone in finance to help them unless the ideas have anything to do at all with finances. We cannot all do everything that we need to have done, and when what we need to have done is a personal thing for any one of us, we also cannot tell other people that they should do things the way that we did them because they might not be able to do things the way that we do them. For instance, when we are teaching our children to do anything at all and they are not "getting it," the most fail-safe thing that we can do at that moment is NOT to judge the kid because he or she cannot do this thing the way that we do it, but to allow them to take a look at whatever it is that they are trying to do while we step away for a moment so that we are not only not getting their way, but also, our own. 

We are highly emotional when it comes to doing things correctly, and we are more so when it comes to an issue that is highly personal for us. When it comes to the most sensitive of topics and situations that we share in common with others, the hardest thing in the world to NOT do is give anyone instructions on how to do things our way. I said it. Deal with it. We humans are such an aggravatingly arrogant lot that we really believe that if our methods do not work for people who are not us that THEY must be doing things our way, wrong. 

Really? You mean to tell me that you know what WILL work for someone else and that you know that without a doubt it WILL work for them and if it doesn't work for them that it is THEIR fault?

Okay...while you might be sorta right, that you would blame the person who was not you for screwing up what did work for you is not their fault. What is their fault is not replicating the thing that you did, which was think about a way to come up with something that they COULD do, but what is not their fault is not being able to do what you did to come up with an agreeable resolve at the end of it all.

We cannot hope, even pray, that someone else will be able to do what we did, ever. When are we going to learn well enough that just because something works for us that it might not be the same for everyone else? Think back to when you were a kid and all those times that your parents showed you how to do something and while you tried, over and over and over again, you still could not have the same end result, making many days and weeks of your not being able to go outside and hang with your pals because you screwed up something that you thought you did right, but it was not right enough.

Well, that is because the instructions for having done it right were not you enough. This is the thing about showing others - we have to remember that we can suggest, and we can show, and we can teach, but we cannot learn, and we cannot force to learn, and that when we force to learn, and we force to agree, we are not in the energy of right thought. While it is technically right action if you got it right, there can never be any such thing as "right resentment," because resentment is a naturally occurring human emotion and we need it as a gauge for our own Path, it is not something that needs to be permanent, and we all know that more often than not, resentment is a big fat deal of a problem. Resentment is bred, I have observed, more than not, because of something that we are not allowed to have or do, or worse, something that we tried to have or to do and could not because we were shown someone else's right way to do it without regard for our own way of doing things. 

The onus can be put on both parts of this equation, but again, I must to defer to the idea that fish do not climb trees and no matter how much you can train a fish to do anything, the one thing that it cannot do, no matter what, is climb that tree like a cat instinctively just knows to. In that same light, we have to be able to perform our own healing, even when we have a healer we must, because a healer's job is only to guide our clients to that healing. In the case of The Sisterhood of the Soul, our healers live by this "einsteinian" thought about fish not being able to climb trees. We know each of our clients are unique, and we give respect to the idea that since a fish cannot climb a tree, that also must mean that each person on the planet is unique enough to come up with some sort of something resembling relief for their own lives. 

We can point out anything we want to anyone we want to, but unless we are also sensitive to the idea that people have to be able to learn to come up with their own way out of anything, and unless we realize that we just have to accept that even our own kids are unique to who they are and that not another soul on the planet can do things the way that anyone else can, we will continue to live with the frustrations that we know we can live without in our lives. If we are just more willing to see that we are different, that some folks take longer to get through their stuff, that even though something worked nicely for us that it might not be the same for someone else, we, too, will remain in the energy that other people, because they did not do something the same way that we did, are not as good as we are.

We will stay with that wrongness of thoughts that tell us that we are better, stronger, wiser, smarter, prettier, whatever...than anyone else is.

And y'all gotta know already that to expect someone else to behave in a manner that is outside of themselves that already, and on your and your ego's behalf, they have possibly hurt themselves more, and all because of what?

Oh yeah...so YOU could go out into the world and tell people that you were the reason that they succeeded....

Kinda makes it all different for ya when I put it in those terms now, doesn't it?

Yup yup...I said it, now deal with it...I promise, cookie, you will be just fine !!

That is, as long as you pursue your own ways and not try to impose them onto someone else as being the ONLY way and the ONLY RIGHT WAY.

Think about it...the last time you did something that was way, way important, and you did it someone else's way and it did not turn out well for you, how did you feel after the fact? Not too good right?


Riiiiiiiight !!! 


I Love You All !!
ROX


Reverend Roxanne Cottell is the Kumu Hula and Creator of the Spiritual Hula Program for Women and the Co-Founder of Na Hula O Ka Wahine 'Ui. She is a blogger, book author, choreographer and Spiritual Consultant, an advocate and public speaker against domestic violence and emotional abuse, both of which she is also a survivor. If you would like information about Weddings or simply just to contact Roxanne for information about the Spiritual Hula Program for Women or information regarding private hula or Spiritual Guidance sessions with her or would like to book her for a speaking engagment please  feel free to send her an email.
(c) 2013 Roxanne K. Cottell. All Rights Reserved

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Mirror, mirror...our Kuleana about our own "stuff"

Heart ache can be crippling 

Heart ache is part of Life. We can do nothing to avoid it. We can expect to have our hearts broken again and again, and for the most part, almost all of us will choose to sit in that energy until something outside of us comes along to comfort us. The thing about things outside of ourselves, and this includes the things and energies which we find in other people when we are in the middle of our heart ache, is that they are not there forever.

We are the Savior we are each looking for

We don't know it when we meet them, but the people who come into our lives are meant to be there and with a good purpose, or they are there to bring to us the "study materials" that we need for the lessons at hand. Many times, I know, I have not been the only one to bring to the material world for people who need to know it, that thought that is my own opinion that they need to see, not for anything other than that it is the Truth, and the Truth, at least out of me, is not something that I readily reveal for people. The Truth revealed is not mine to reveal but everyone else's to discover.

The Truth revealed, usually, is not what the most of us want to know, want to see, want to hear, want to know, but it is something that we cannot avoid. We can fear it. We can choose to ignore it, even when we know that ignoring it is not the thing that we need to do. Normally, the Truth hurts. That it hurts is one thing, but that we are more willing to look away from it, more willing to think of other things that we know will not change things for us at all is quite another. We keep believing that maybe there is a small glimmer of anything resembling hope for the outcome that we want, pursuing only the outcome we want to see that we have created in our own heads, and without the idea and the absoluteness that is also the will of others, if it so applies.

And we try  dearly to not have to look at the Truth that hurts us, and the more we avoid it the more it is in our faces like so many petulant children. The Truth, as I know it to be, is not made up of all the fancifulness and all of things that we tell ourselves are the things that we want to have as our Truth, even though our soul tells us to run the other way - fast.

We avoid our Truth and ignore the thing that keeps telling us what we need to hear and to know, and we want so badly to manipulate it all into the thing that we are wishing it will be, when in fact and indeed, we know, for sure, that it will never be what we envisioned. As well, it should not be, because if we got everything that we think we want, we would be a different sort of heart broken, and that different sort comes with all kinds of Karmic imbalance that we have to balance out prior to our heart being no longer broken.

The things that we do in order to make the hurt leave us usually only leaves us with more hurting, and that is what we are tying to get through - the hurt. We don't realize we are just hurting ourselves more when we try to push it to the side and not look at it. It is still there, always, like the "gifts" our dogs leave us in the backyard when they have finished the treats and the table scraps we have given them...and we like to look at those "gifts" and think about what we should do with them and not do anything about them anyway.

The Things We Do

There are a variety of ways that we make our heart break worse on us, and then when we find that what we have done to make ourselves feel better does not work, we want to blame everything and everyone outside of ourselves for our pain, when in fact our pain and what we do with it is ours alone to deal with, and most of the time, we go right back to the start of the circle and we do the EXACT same thing we did the last time we tried to make what we were feeling go away. It does not go away without our at least thinking that we can do something about it that does not include getting other people involved with us. It does not leave us, ever, until we have taken the opportunity to look at it for what it is and try hard to look at it differently.

Looking at It Differently

This takes a little bit of practice to become good at, the looking at of things from a different perspective. It takes our being able to see ourselves from the perspective that no longer places us in the area marked "Victim," and begins to move us to another place, another place called "Survivor" and from my own experiences, while we never truly ask to be the victim of or to anyone, the only one who makes us a Survivor is our own self.

Sure, we can look to others for guidance, and we can take their words to heart and utilize them, but we have to be strong enough, as well, to see the imperfections that are there, to know that we loaned our own efforts to the heart break and because of this we know that we are also going to have to be a large part of the effort to bring us to that place where Peace resides, and we all know where Peace truly resides, don't we?

Peace Resides Within

Always and forever, peace resides within. Peace is not only quietude, and peace is not only that which we all seek out, but it is also the major definer of when we have chosen to become all we are supposed to become, because it is at that point when we have given in to and accepted what is ours that we will truly find peace. Peace is not something that can be had through doing nothing, because the "doing nothing" that too many experts and gurus want you to believe is that there is no work ...inner emotional work, not physical work....and that is not the truth.

Think about it - it took you a little while to manifest all the "other than peace" that you currently have. It took a long time for you to dwell on a thing that you knew at the onset when it was presented to you that whatever it was that you were looking at became your focus, became the thing that you wanted so badly that it began to invade your every thought. Your every thought begets your every action. Within those thoughts that were other than peaceful, you believed that if you just DID more that you would be able to get other to help you bring you what you already have and that you already know is the truth, and also is that which you keep on avoiding. In your avoidance, you caused yourself more heartache and now there is double the energy, but not double the fun. This is not my rule (wait for it)....but that of the Universe.

We can no sooner believe that whatever it was that we have done in the past will also be the thing that will work now, and when it is that we figure out that all we are doing is running around in a circle chasing our souls in to the frenzied wreck that it becomes is when the reality that we are the ones who caused this mess through our actions caused with, and not by, other people. This is what is meant when Eleanor Roosevelt stated that (and I am paraphrasing from memory, guys) no one can make us feel inferior without our consent.
No one can make us feel or say or do anything without our making it possible for them. In order for us to hurt, we have to be open and willing to receive that hurt as part of us accepting the way that things are no more our control in regards to what others think and feel just as much as it is not their kuleana to feel or do anything about our pain. And that is a moot point, really, because no one else can do anything about how we feel. They may be able to empathize with us, and they Love us and that helps, but in the end, we are the ones who matter in regards to our own healing. We are who matters when it comes to how we feel and what we are willing to do about how we feel.

So, in the end, it really doesn't matter...in the end, it is not anyone else's stuff - it is ours.

I have met some very fine and wonderful people who are as equally angry and heartbroken as anyone could be. They are angry because they cannot get a tiny bit of empathy from another person, and they are heartbroken because they are not willing to get out of their own way and allow whatever the lesson at hand is to come into its own fullness. They know they do not have to be this way,and they know that there is always something that can be done to quell themselves.

Yet, they are helpless to really do anything about it, because they are also not willing to step aside and allow Spirit to work through them and reveal to them the things that they need to know and to see and to believe. It is not someone else who is at fault if we still hurt, but our own. It is not someone else who can decide for us which option to take, and even if they did that would tell anyone with any level of awareness that your heartaches reveal more about you than you are willing to let the rest of us know about - and we are finding them out through your words and actions that somehow do not match up. Always, there is a way for others to know when it is that we are being given something other than the Truth because the Truth is always going to reveal itself, no matter what.

In the end, when it is that we can no longer bear the pain and the shame of all that we have let ourselves believe is when the healing comes.It comes at that point when we are a wreck emotionally, a constant flow of private and silent tears come to us, and when we have given the child who still lives within us no way to grow out of the beliefs that no longer apply to our lives.

Take a moment today to look at yourself in the mirror and see what is truly there. Yes, you will see your own messiness, and you will see also the hurt...but you will also see the wounded child who you punish more than you care to Love, and that is really what you need - self love, because it is in that measure of Self Love that we are made whole, that we are made to see what we are for real, and in that one moment, we know the Truth.

The Truth is a Beautiful Thing.
I Promise.

I Love You All !

ROX

Reverend Roxanne Cottell is the Kumu Hula and Creator of the Spiritual Hula Program for Women and the Co-Founder of Na Hula O Ka Wahine 'Ui. She is a blogger, book author, choreographer and Spiritual Consultant, an advocate and public speaker against domestic violence and emotional abuse, both of which she is also a survivor. If you would like information about Weddings or simply just to contact Roxanne for information about the Spiritual Hula Program for Women or information regarding private hula or Spiritual Guidance sessions with her or would like to book her for a speaking engagment please  feel free to send her an email.
(c) 2013 Roxanne K. Cottell. All Rights Reserved

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Division Between Us

It is fine to disagree, but it is not fine to act as though things just don't bother someone...the truth is that it does...

I think I have had just about enough of the idea that anyone has the right to say, write and post things that are of an offending nature. While it remains that yes, it shouldn't affect me the way that it has, reminders of the fact that we are not able to see past what is ours alone that somehow will offend another person have the very propensity to do just that, and it has.. I will not sit here and pull people apart, because that is what has been done to me since roughly 10 A.M., pacific, and no, it is not about just a post that I happened upon on my own Facebook wall, but also, the very thought in anyone's head that somehow, it is okay to say and that since it is that we ourselves tend not to allow things to bother us, we assume, too, that it will not affect others. I am very sorry to inform a whole lot of people of it, but I am not the only one who takes things that they read and see, hear and then know, lightly, namely NOT when it is something that is not controlled by the media or by the thought that we need somehow to just get over ourselves...really?

It is not that easy

It started earlier today, when I was coming out of the grocery store for the second time, minding my business as normally I do, and there he was in his suit and his crooked smile and his handshake offered to me. When the conversation turned to the idea that I am somehow going to go to hell because I refused to stand there listening to this person telling me that I am wrong, that how I believe is going to send me straight to hell and that the only redemption was my buying into the man's crap, and when it was that I told him that I was offended at the idea that since it was that he did not understand my point of view, that what he was doing was so far removed from the God he was trying to get me to believe (mind you - I accepted that he has his beliefs but he made no effort to accept mine, which is cool - he didn't have to and I truly did not expect him to) in and when he outright told me that I was breaking my mother's heart by denouncing his version of Christianity, I turned back toward him and told him that HE was the one who was divisive, that no one needs to be scared or told they are wrong because they do not believe his way was the only way.

Then, later, it happens again, and you bet your okole that I am offended by the idea that what we look like, even as vain as I am, somehow has anything to do at all with what it is that I see rather than what is intended. When the hell was it named today as being "let's do some divisive stuff today" and why is it that people want to believe that I should just take it like it is? I am sure that were it something as big a deal globally that the thing that also set me off has nothing to do with beliefs in a spiritual sort of way and everything to do with beliefs in the way that I have managed to make it known by everyone within my reach that no matter what anyone says, no matter what it is that bothers other people about themselves, it does not need to be made known, discussed, and then expected that most people would not be offended. If you hear things, see things, read things enough, and you have had to hear, read, see those things throughout the bulk of your life, and you have remained closed mouthed about it, and then one day you let loose, not because of anything other than that people remain to behave as they will because not a lot else has changed but the vocabulary, you bet your ass I am going to say something about it. When the hell did certain demographic groups have the right to hate on other groups simply over something as not as big a deal as I know I am making of it all is? Why should anyone in one group NOT get offended?

Sometimes, you will be offended, and while it is that I make it very clear to MANY people that I try DEARLY not to have a thing to say, when it is something that needs to STOP? Yeah...you bet I am going to say something, and you can also bet your ass that I am NOT going to be very quiet nor calm about it. It has NOTHING TO DO with what many probably think is my reason, and if people bothered to think past what is on the top of things - ALL PEOPLE - and no, I am not pointing anyone out - there would be a whole lot less to be offended about. I am clearly, and angrily stating that in order for ANYONE in this lifetime to be able to GET OVER ANYTHING, there needs to be a semblance of something called empathy.

Empathy is a big fat deal to me, and I say so because empathy is the thing that not a whole lot of folks have for anyone or anyone else's situation. When was it made okay for one group of people to point out their own perceived flaws by making another group the group that the other group feels somehow has always had the upper hand? I refuse to make it seem as though the ills and the ails of the Native Americans - ALL native groups - STILL be the problem that a white person has to deal with. It is not the white man's issue to salve us, but our issue to fight and come back from the depths of societal pariahs to the respected people who we all are these days? Why do we choose to close this division with more hate? What is it useful for?

Another thing that bugs is the idea that your God is bigger and has more influence in my life than does my Goddess? It is the SAME energy. The very same energy of Love and of Light and all that other good stuff - why hate on those who are NOT like you? Why band together against one thing, one group? Why not take ONE THING IN COMMON and make THAT our mission? This same thing goes for women's body types. And yes, this is yet one more thing that irritates the hell out of me. I am GOING TO GET offended, f*cking ass hurt even, every time I see something that divides women. I do no differentiate women. We are all the same - all beautiful, no matter what. So you can imagine the dismay I feel, the very sickening within me that tells me once again, I have to, of all things, make it very clear that there is NOTHING IN THE WORLD which bothers me more than do things that I see, read and hear about women of this body type and women of another body type - who really cares? Are we not all the same? Why bother with making people feel like this is an "Us versus them" thing? It ain't.

It is very much a thing that bugs me as it has always, because while I enjoy being my size and my build, there are a whole lot who do not. This is the thing that I teach about - that we are all the same, that our body shape is irrelevant to anything else if we ourselves are not able to love who we are, and I love who I am, and I am remiss to think about the fact that there are a lot of photos out there on the internet that people just cannot see in them that the things that they post are of a divisive nature. I am not calling out anyone, and if anyone feels like I have, that is on them. Just as I was not called out - I am allowed to be my opinionated self about this, because I am that woman who was lambasted, a lot, for being my size, was ostracized for it, was constantly called "SKINNY AND PRETTY, " and while that might be okay for many women, it is not okay for me. It is nice to be complimented, but when you know that it is not a compliment, that it is one more person's way of telling you that you are the reason that they feel like they are not good enough, pretty enough, this or that enough...yep- I have a big fat problem with that thinking and with you, too.

It is not okay to divide us when we try so hard to be united, and no matter who tells me what - this is my real feeling.

It is not, in my book, okay to point out what is physically wrong with other people, no matter what. It is not okay to make a bigger gulf of division in the minds of the whole of us that we are one side against the other, and really, that more than much else is my reason for speaking out. I do not like divided wholes. I do not like the idea that we need to look at each other and not take into consideration the actual "luckiness" factor involved and no, it is not okay to make a stand against another person because you think that this is a personal attack. It is NEVER a personal attack and more and only a defense mechanism that I hate to use. But use it I must from time to time, because that is how I roll.

It is offensive NOT to look at things from someone else's point of view, and where some might think I am whining, I am actually speaking out against something that should not matter anymore, even though I know, even in my case, it matters. It matters what we look like, but that does not mean that we need to choose one versus the other. It matters that some of us refuse to look at a person from the outside and not even bother with thinking about the things that offend anyone else. I have been told over the years that I should think before I post anything at all, that I should consider that there is more than only one demographic of any sort of person, or even group of people, and that more than anything else, there need be no feeling that one group has the right, by whatever means they feel it is their right, to point out another group without considering that there are many who are not going to be okay with what you have said. It is one thing to believe it and live it, but when you start dividing us...well, you figure it out.

I do not come unglued like I have for the bulk of today unless I am given a good enough reason.

I think that dividing groups of people, not even if they are your own stated words, is a good enough reason.

Enough, already...

I Love You All.
ROX

Reverend Roxanne Cottell is the Kumu Hula and Creator of the Spiritual Hula Program for Women and the Co-Founder of Na Hula O Ka Wahine 'Ui. She is a blogger, book author, choreographer and Spiritual Consultant, an advocate and public speaker against domestic violence and emotional abuse, both of which she is also a survivor. If you would like information about Weddings or simply just to contact Roxanne for information about the Spiritual Hula Program for Women or information regarding private hula or Spiritual Guidance sessions with her or would like to book her for a speaking engagment please  feel free to send her an email.
(c) 2013 Roxanne K. Cottell. All Rights Reserved

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The Way It Is...

"I'm on my way...I'm on my way...Home, Sweet Home..."
("Home Sweet Home," by 80's rockers, Motley Crue)

Sometimes, or so it seems, we need to take the scenic route just to get back to where we belong. When I say that we need to Know Who Our Tribe is, I mean exactly that. When we think in terms of those who share closeness with us, and we can see with our mind's eyes those people within the confines of relationship, and not a romantic Love type of relationship, we find there the peace, the very salve and the solace that we need in just knowing that we are so not alone in this lifetime. Today seems to have the flavor of people, not losing what they thought they had, but more, shedding the idea that they needed anything from anyone else. This is the magic of human beings. This is the thing that, once we can get past the idea that we are who we are according to anyone else, and no, this is not my saying that other people make us who we are, we become stronger. When it is that we have been startled by the thought that the person in front of us holds meaning for us, this is when the scariness of who we really are in relation to everything and everyone else becomes the most tantamount, important thing. It is like this because at that point, we not only Know these people, we find out that in more ways than one, we are them and they are us. 

Scary, right?
(Riiiiiight)

The Long and Winding Road (The Beatles)

It is a long time waiting for similar people to show up, and it is a longer time waiting and wondering where they are all at. It should have dawned on you a long time ago who these people are. They are the ones whose hurts are the same as are yours, and they are the ones whose passion is the same as yours, and they are the ones to whom you can give your secrets and not worry about them saying a thing to anyone else. It is a long time that we each wait to meet those who share the same Tribe that we do, and a longer time when we have to wait for them to return to us, only to have us unwittingly not see the signs and not see that them becoming part of our own awareness was their introducing themselves to our own Souls.

It is a long and winding road that we each must travel, not so that we can meet these people in the real, but more, so that we can be prepped and primed for their arrival in our lives. And sometimes we mistake their arrival as something that it is not. Sometimes it is a "fling" which becomes a friendship and the bond is unbreakable, while at other times, it begins as passers-by with whom we share many Tribal members and do not realize it. Sometimes they show up in the form of someone who is also working out Karma from a past life and now your two Souls have again met on the physical. There are a whole lot of ways that we meet our Tribe, and most of the time, it is when we are having a very hard time in Life that we will meet them. They come to us in the form of people who can help us to make sense of the hurts and the aches in the Bones of the Soul, and at other times we know that there is a very real sibling type bond between us and even as miles may separate us from each other, the Tribal energy is there and will remain there because you have met another person who belongs to the same Soul Tribe as you do, and it is at that point in our human realities that we finally understand what it means to be a miracle.

What it means to be a Miracle

We are all Miraculous. If you each took a moment to research exactly how our human minds work and how it is that our bodies are tied to our minds and our souls, you would know for sure that who you are is important, and is important on a level that not a lot of people believe they are. ALL OF US is important to someone, even if it is that we only have that one person who our soul recognizes. We see in them the very miracle that we each are, and we begin to know within us who is playing which role in our lives, and it is when we try hard to refill a void that is somehow not helping our growth that we begin to also know that the way the Soul works is not the way that the Ego wants us to Know. Our Egos want us only to know what we want, what we will do what we must in order to have. A good example is Love, the sort that makes us high on life and ready to take on the world, and in our own human failing we find that even as we Love falling in love, we, as a human whole, are more inclined to want to stay in that hormone-induced "Love" that we each seek out.

One day we are faced with the very truth about our selves, and the truth about our selves usually becomes apparent when new people show up and give new light to an old way of being, and normally it is the old ways of being that have prompted us to want to see change in our lives. Yet when that change is staring us in the face, we bristle, but eventually we accept it. We accept it in ways that we did not think that we would, and we learn from the things that we thought we did not know, all about who we are according to someone else. When it is that the someone else is someone who we never knew but somehow seem to "know" anyway...also and better known as the phenomena of 'Soul Recognition"...we find that very truly, while we are unique in who we are, we know, by the very recognition of the Soul, that truly, we are not alone.

The Flip Side of Things...

While it is awesome finding those people who resonate most with us, there is the flip side of things, the side that says that we have the option to not seek out others like our very selves. We rob ourselves of the goodness that we are when we are not willing to forgo the things that were our reality just yesterday. We want the sameness, but many times we cannot bother with the work.

In order to get anywhere, even in a tangible manner, we have to do the work. This is where many people fail in their dealing with others - they want the soul recognition so badly that they will see themselves in the worst of the worst, and while this does not mean that those who could be deemed as the worst, what this merely means is that we are drawn to what we think we need in our lives when in fact, sometimes, we are drawing that which we used to be rather than what we have evolved to. And talk about the same old situation...it is not only the same old bunch of energy that we have to deal with, but we also have to contend with a much harsher lesson, and it is harsher because we know that at the end of the lesson we are going to end up where we should already have been. Why would anyone choose to go through the pain again, go through the shame again, go through it all, all over again,only to end up where you would have been anyway?

Because we are creatures of habit, and as such we go with the familiar and not that which is unfamiliar to us. We go with what is on the outside and tolerable, even if what is tolerable insults the hell out of our soul. We do it because it is safe, even if it is not safe, and by safe, I mean that we have been there and have done that and oh! Lookie here! We have given birth to the same old situation. Wow...talk about a magician, huh?

I am likened to telling people that I am not Chris Angel, not a magician, that I am a healer and that what I have to bring to their lives is a tiny bit of clarity which might bring to the surface a whole new thing to look at, and what we are looking at when this occurs is the newness which is contrasted by the old way, by what no longer fits or works for us.

When we find out what no longer works, even if we want it to, and still, we go ahead with the thought that this time, it could work, we know, too, that we are only kidding ourselves and headed for a heartbreak.

The Tribal Way

Many people are literally part of a Tribe, and it is a beautiful thing. We are all part of someone's Tribe, someone's Ohana, and because of this one thing, we know that there are ways of being within that Tribe's patterns for living. In my particular Tribe, there are many who are just like me, and many who are like me but are polar opposite to me, and no matter what, I know within my own Soul that I never have to pine for Home again, because Home lives within me, within the Tribe which I call My Own.

If I did not research Tribal ways, I would not have known that for many years I have been Tribal in a leadership kind of way. This is also something that is particular to my Tribal Ohana. They each and all know that no matter what, even if we fail to bitter disagreement, that we are meant to be there in each others' lives, and it is possible that the reason IS the disagreement. None the less, these people know they are very important to me, know the pureness and the Sacred Nature of those who I share my life with. They know that I am that one person who they can say anything to and that one person who will never let go of the things that they tell me, that they remain to tell me, and this is a beautiful thing.

Within one's own Tribe, one must know that there is a reason that these people are there, that they bother with us at all, and always, that reason is familial.

When you are pining to go Home, and you have that inclination that you need to be somewhere else, that there awaits something for you in a big way, it is at that point where your sights and your inclinations should be turned to the people who you Love the most, who you spend the most time with, because in those similarities are also the things that have the answers to most of your innermost questions, with the main one being "When do I get to go Home, Godde?"

That answer is simple...you never left...all you are doing is waiting for the family...Tribal ...reunion...

I LOVE YOU ALL !
ROX

Reverend Roxanne Cottell is the Kumu Hula and Creator of the Spiritual Hula Program for Women and the Co-Founder of Na Hula O Ka Wahine 'Ui. She is a blogger, book author, choreographer and Spiritual Consultant, an advocate and public speaker against domestic violence and emotional abuse, both of which she is also a survivor. If you would like information about Weddings or simply just to contact Roxanne for information about the Spiritual Hula Program for Women or information regarding private hula or Spiritual Guidance sessions with her or would like to book her for a speaking engagment please  feel free to send her an email.
(c) 2013 Roxanne K. Cottell. All Rights Reserved

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